As soon as the baby was born, so was a new woman inside me – the Mother.
This Mother can be very dominating and likes to run the show. A lot of the time it’s fun being the Mother – there is a sense of righthood and competence, like it was always meant to be this way, and so many people take an interest in the baby that one can feel very Important and full of Pride.
However, this latent Mother, who has waited so long to have her moment, feels somehow rather generalised, as though I am behaving according to a template. It’s as though a part of brain lay dormant until she saw “a baby! A baby!’ And suddenly, like an ancient sleeping and legendary dragon that no one even knew was there, she awoke and burst into life full of glee and fire, shaking off the dust of ages and shaking the trembled earth around.
In all the excitement, I feel a bit lost at times. I was a child once myself, and that child had a purpose independent of evolution’s long shadow. I have spent years working up that child into something, and although I’m not sure what exactly, nevertheless it was mine, and quite unique. It drew much less attention than the Mother does through the Baby, and it’s a lonely path in contrast to the universality of the well trodden route of the Mother, but still I want to maintain it and not let Mother crush it out of the way.
So my idea is to find and inhabit a comfortable zone in the Venn diagram where I can bring out all of the millennia of baby-raising wisdom whilst allowing the strange mystery of what we call ‘Me’ to continue to develop.